Old Dog

This morning was hard. David had to prepare for class so I took the dogs out for their morning walk. After about 15 minutes we were on our way home when Kylo had a seizure in front of the elementary school. He's an old dog now, and has gotten drastically slower this last year, so when he paused, I didn't think much of it. Suddenly, his body crumpled and fell as if it he'd been tipped over. His body went stiff for several seconds. I was not sure what to do and yelled out his name. I started to think about sticking something in his mouth (I vaguely remembered you are supposed to do this when someone has a seizure so they don't swallow their tongue--apparently that is not true though, of humans or dogs according to our vet). After what seemed like several seconds, his body slackened, he gained consciousness and slowly got up as if nothing had happened. He was still slow the last block home, but otherwise seemed fine.

Luckily, the vet was able to see us just a few hours later. She speculates it might be a tumor, but cannot be sure after just one. The only way to know for sure is to do a brain scan (approx $1500). If found, the options might be brain surgery or chemo treatment (running about $5000 each). Again, luckily, she does not recommend after just one seizure. We kept an eye on him the rest of today and he seems ok. I'm mostly worried about a much bigger one, which could cause brain damage, happening while we are away from the apartment. Who knows if this is even the first one anyway? It's just the first one we've seen. Oy, and we thought the recent bouts of incontinence were bad.

Kylo is old. When we got him and Kat in 1998, the SPCA estimated he was 4-5 years old. He's a doggie senior, but if we can enjoy his companionship a while longer, I would be very appreciative. Could someone arrange that for me? Thanks.

My Three Favorite Animals

When does school start?

Ok, so I just posted last night about some ideas/goals floating around my head (which are much more binding now that I've typed them out). Something about art and self betterment, blah blah.

So what do I see in my little Metro commuter paper? A short article about The Trapeze School. That is not really that unusual. In fact, I'm sure I read a similar article in either that paper or AM New York within the last year or so. So I'm not calling it a sign. It's just a little fun reminder that I'm doing something. But I'm not ready. Not yet. Hmmm.

It's been a while

So yes, it has been a while since I wrote. I've thought about writing many times, but as we know thinking about doing something and actually doing it are not really the same thing.

My plan was to write about my travels on this thing. There have been plenty of work trips and even a few personal ones this past year, but I've felt very blocked every time I think about putting it together in a blog entry. There's laziness, procrastination and at least a little self-loathing in the recipe here. Nothing new, I suppose.

I have been in a bit of an upheaval lately, though. Work was overwhelming, I was so behind in my marathon training that I dropped out of the NYC Marathon, and my weight has steadily been creeping back up. When I think about it, none of it is exactly terrible. I still like my job, I am able to defer my marathon entry to Nov 2008, and I'm still nowhere near my highest weight. All that, but I'm starting to feel a panic. We've been in New York for more than 3 years now and I don't feel like I'm really using my life properly. There are a hundred things I could be doing in this city. Eventually we will move somewhere else and I don't want to regret all of the things I did not do. I'm not really just talking about seeing sites and eating at fancy restaurants. I'm talking about being creative in a place where there are so many opportunities to do art. I am doing no art and it makes me sad. I'm 34 and I'm not using my life properly.

Problem is--at least one of the problems is--I am very "realistic." Meaning, whenever I start to feel excited and hopeful about something, I immediately start to imagine when this new passion will seem like old hat, when I realize I'll never be successful at it, or I understand that it was very silly/childish to have ever considered such an undertaking. I guess this rational side has served me well in some ways; I do feel successful in a few areas of my life. But I think it is also holding me back. I feel like a jaded old timer, but I never got to be the naif.

So I'm resolving to try and make some changes. I'm in my second week of weight watchers (trying really hard not to include a snarky comment here) in the hopes that will boost my confidence as I start on my new artistic endeavors. So far, it's a bit difficult but I can do this. Already down about 4 pounds. Now about 45 more to go.

Additionally, I'm making a little list of things I am thinking about trying and doing my best not to snuff out the excitement before it starts:
- photography - I'm talking about staged scenes and interesting portraits. Cindy Sherman and Lee Friedlander are inspirations
- writing - I would really like to write a short story or a short play; essay may be more my speed, but I want to explore a little
- music - I haven't played in at least 4 years. I'm so sad to write that. I would really like to pick up the guitar; have a guitar (though needs to be strung) and some beginner books, must really see about that
- acting - oh it's too painful to put anything here. I'm already mortified.
- acrobatics - I want to try that trapeze school next summer. Got to work on my upper body strength and lose some pounds

OK. Confession time is over. I have to publish this before I change my mind.